Life lessons from PNG

Since it is my last day in Madang (we leave for POM tomorrow and then I leave for Brisbane on Friday) I thought I would share with you some of the things that I have learnt.

• When a gigantic highlander gives you a bear-hug, go limp. Resistance is futile.

• 9am means any time before 12pm, 12pm means any time before 4pm, and 4 hours is code for all day.

• Avoid cholera sticks (corn on a cob cooked on the side of the road)

• Actually, avoid all side-of-the-road food.

• Tuna and rice is not a sustainable or desirable diet

• If you are a prepubescent male, clothes are optional (and may even be frowned upon).

• Mozzies come out at dusk (and apparently dawn, not that I would know)

• PMV’s are a very efficient means of public transport

• PMV’s are smelly cramped death traps that probably contribute to their efficiency

• White people are chumps

• It is geometrically possible to fit 19 people with luggage in the tray of a landcruiser ute

• Don’t walk up a mountain with new hiking boots

• A man can go only so long without beef and dairy

• Being tall is neat

• I’m hopelessly in love with my country

• Do not, under any circumstances, take the knife away from the small child

• Graduation from small knife to big knife to sword-sized machete appears to occur unchecked and unassessed

• Thieves are stupid (one friend got her camera stolen and then the thief sold it back to her once the batteries went dead – with a bunch of movies and pictures of him on it).

• Give a man some health care and he will be healthy for a day. Try to teach a man his health care and you will be there all day.

• PNG and Australia have the same power sockets. Who knew?

• The best way to avoid bodily harm is to support the losing team

• Air conditioning is God’s second best gift to mankind

• Don’t sound too confident or people will assume you know what you’re doing

• When you’re bored, a Clive Cussler novel lasts about 10 hours

• Facebook is unnecessary to sustain life

• Tuberculosis is not a fun disease

• When nobody knows what’s going on, you’ve probably stumbled into a government institution

• Betelnut is vile.

• There is nothing less attractive in this world than red/black teeth

• But I must admit, anyone who can chew crushed up coral with a piece of stick and vile betelnut all in one concoction is pretty hard core

• Remember to check that the washing machine is turned on at the wall before you decide it isn’t working and hand wash all your clothes

• The test of a true friend is that they don’t laugh at you when you unnecessarily hand wash all your clothes

• Ian fails the true friend test – miserably

• Top Gear and Scrubs can sustain a man for up to 8 weeks

• Gumi bilong kok is a funny name for a condom.

• If you want a quality B-grade horror film, look no further than Bats

• The wet season is when it rains every day, the dry season is when it rains every second day

• Don’t get sick in PNG

But the most important thing I learnt was that I have a wonderful bunch of loving family and friends back home who love and miss me and think about me daily, even if it is just something small like reading this. I hope I never forget that.